This is a lesson I can't say I've learned in its entirety. I'm pretty sure I've only scratched the surface. What I do know is that something changes in you when you walk out a door you've passed through your whole life, knowing you'll never walk back through it the same way again.
I knew leaving home was going to be hard, especially since I was moving so far away. A five-hour distance made inevitable changes happen that much faster. There have been a few times I thought it had sunk in fully. When I called to talk to Sierra and she came up with conversation topics for half an hour, instead of answering a few questions and then yelling "Gotta go!" as she ran away from the phone. When I was calling and commiserating with my mom over the money problems we were both having. When I realized that the majority of what I know about my siblings' lives now comes from their Facebook statuses. When I was stressed out and all I wanted was to hug Mom but she wasn't within arms' reach like she has been for twenty years. When my dad visited and instantly diagnosed what was wrong with my bathroom sink, and I realized how much I miss having him there to quietly solve all my problems.
But every time I think I know how it feels, something else hits me that reminds me growing up is not a moment, it's a lifetime. It never stops. Which means that the growing pains never fully stop, either. Sometimes we go through a growth spurt and the discomfort gets more intense. It's so overwhelming sometimes. Is it worth it? Of course it is. The blessings and rewards from the process far outweigh the struggle. From inside the haze of the pain, though, it's hard to see that.
I'd love to end this post with a grain of wisdom that gives me and anyone else in this situation the answers and the comfort they need. In this case, the wisdom is frustratingly elusive. Maybe that's part of growing up: you can't rush it. I'm still in the middle of the growth spurt, and I don't expect to have all the answers until I come up for air on the other side. For right now, the only conclusion I can draw is that everything happens for a reason (I knew my first blog post had a point) and God has plan somewhere inside the pain.
